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Joke of the Day

"I just bought a used time machine on craigslist. They sure don't make them like they're going to anymore."

"LISA GOPMAN: EATING DISORDER For as long as I can remember, I've had an eating disorder: reverse anorexia. It's when I look in the mirror and think I'm really skinny."

"What format do Emo's prefer to compress files? .RAR"

"The only thing standing between you and your dreams is insomnia."

"A doctor, an Englishman, a lawyer, an Irishman, a priest, a Scotsman, a cop, a midget, a fireman and a blonde walk into a bar.... The bartender says, ""What is this, some kind of joke?"""

"How do you get a fat chick in bed? A piece of cake."

"Slept like a log last night..... Woke up in the fire place"

"Just saw someone holding a sign that said ""Honk 2 impeach Obama"" You'd think the process to impeach a president would be more complicated"

"What does a man with a 9 inch penis eat for breakfast? Well, Right now I'm frying up some eggs, got some toast in the toaster and the coffees brewing."

"What do you call a display of Australian patriotism? Stockholm Syndrome."