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Joke of the Day

"What does a man with a 9 inch penis eat for breakfast? Well, Right now I'm frying up some eggs, got some toast in the toaster and the coffees brewing."

"Helping my 5yo with his homework. Does anyone remember how to write the alphabet? Like with a pencil?"

"A haiku about early morning starts... No no no no no No no no no no no no No no no no no"

"You know when you get that urge to eat something just because it's there? Anyway, I lost my job as a gynaecologist today."

"Mosquitoes... God's way of making us slap ourselves!!"

"How does the farmer count up his cows? ...with a cowculator."

"I don't know how some people do it ""4 minute shower"" It takes me like 4 minutes to even get the water to be the right temperature."

"Sometimes I make myself feel important by thinking in a British accent."

"When it comes to self deprecation I'm the just worst."

"What did the Siamese twins from Iowa tell their date? It's February 1st. You going to caucas or not?"