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Joke of the Day

"Me: *Wrong Turn Siri: Recalculating Route Me: *Wrong Turn Siri: Recalculating Route Me: *Wrong Turn Siri: You're on your own, Idiot."

"Why was the banker bored? Because he lost interest in everything."

"My wife was getting freaky.. ... And she kept screaming 'Harder, Ryan!'. And that kind of made me mad, since my name is Leonard."

"if i told you you have a beautiful body.... would you hold it against me?"

"Me singing: Then I saw her face!! Now I'm a Beliber! Not a trace of doubt in my mind! Roommate: You DO know that's a guy...right?"

"There are 10 types of people in this world Those that understand binary. The eight types that don't give a fuck. And those that expected this to be a ternary repost."

"Made a friend today. Well, I knocked on my window when a guy walked past my house. I'll name him Terry."

"And like the migratory pattern of the white-crowned sparrow, the last roll of toilet paper makes its journey from bathroom to bathroom."

"(New version) How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three, one to genetically engineer people small enough to fit in a light bulb, and two to do the rest."

"I saw a pirate finally purchase Adobe Photoshop. He handed the cashier a hook and a peg."