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Joke of the Day

"(New version) How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three, one to genetically engineer people small enough to fit in a light bulb, and two to do the rest."

"I think cheese gets sweaty because it's hard sitting around being delicious."

"I like my woman like my espresso; Bitter, exhilarating, and some sort of Italian I guess."

"Being a feminist is like practicing extreme sports Not taking good care of yourself and then bragging about how brave you are."

"Divorces are like gangbangs... Everyone is trying to fuck you and nobody cares if you're in pain."

"There's a wormhole in the center of my bagel.... ""Of course, that's not a Cinnamon-Rosen bagel....you bought an EINSTEIN-Rosen bagel!"""

"Why do geologists perform so well during intercourse? They really know how to make bedrock."

"KANYE: I made Taylor Swift famous TRUMP: We should ban all Muslims KANYE: BILL COSBY INNOCENT TRUMP: THE POPE SUCKS KANYE: damn ur good"

"My wife was harassing me to do some work around the house. I said, ""If I wanted a nag, I would have married a horse."""

"I just got a part in the movie Cocaine It only has one line."