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Joke of the Day
"getting a teardrop tattoo for every leaf i've accidentally stepped on"
Next Joke
"C'mon, when have I ever let you down? That was rhetorical, actually. Yes, that is a lot. Wow, did not expect you to bring out a chalkboard."
"What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken. Edited for spelling, even though the guy was a stuffy old turd about it. :D HEYOOO"
"What do you get when you cross a railroad with a refrigerator? Killed."
"Got a handjob from a blind girl last night She said ""You have the biggest dick I've ever put my hands on."" I said ""Nah. You're just pulling my leg."""
"If you want to relate to how old people probably feel just imagine that a bowl of soup cost $40 and everybody else acted like that was fine."
"Well this is awkward. Apparently when my wife's friend invited me over for a play-date I was supposed to bring my kids."
"Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that's all you'll have to make your kids think you're cool."
"what do you call 6 hwy workers and 6 lesbians on the side of the road? a dozen people that don't do dick."
"Captain Ahab's crew were highly efficient sailors In fact, they were running like a whale oiled machine."