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Joke of the Day

"C'mon, when have I ever let you down? That was rhetorical, actually. Yes, that is a lot. Wow, did not expect you to bring out a chalkboard."

"[greeting aliens] Hello, we are the smartest animals on this planet. Every week we give the grass a little haircut"

"listen here best buy employee, the constitution says I'm entitled to the pursuit of happiness, so i am taking this will smith dvd ok?"

"No punchline needed. Did you hear Micheal J Fox got a new job working as James Bond bartender....."

"what's it called when a duck farfs? A butt quack. Hahahahha I'm funny ..."

"Why were all the ladies attracted to Jesus? Because he was hung like this. (Hold your arms out wide)"

"Going to a restaurant alone makes me feel like a dinosaur in Jurassic Park Everyone is just there to watch me eat."

"I cracked a beer at 9:11 this morning... Too soon?"

"Why did you bring your cat to school? Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school? Student: My dad said he was going to eat mom's pussy."

"Africa If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquito's dying needlessly of aids."