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Joke of the Day

"If you want to relate to how old people probably feel just imagine that a bowl of soup cost $40 and everybody else acted like that was fine."

"Dating tip: Walk up to a girl in a club, smile, look into her eyes, take her hand and walk away. If she wants her hand back, she'll find you"

"If your phone gets wet, try placing it in a bag of rice... ... at night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you."

"What is the difference between a broken down bus stop and a crab with breast implants? One is a rusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean."

"What is the volume of a disk with radius z and height a? Pi * z * z * a"

"What religious people say: ""I have you in my prayers."" What non-religious people hear: ""I'm trying to raise Aquaman on this cat radio."""

"There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will get this."

"WORST THING YOU CAN DO What's the worst thing you can do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet!"

"If you're ever feeling down, remember that you're unique Just like everyone else"

"My girlfriend Likes to dress up like her self and act like a bitch."