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Joke of the Day

"Reporter got asked about any survivors of a plane crash & said 'its up in the air'. Dude if it was up in the air we wouldn't be in this mess"

"Two tampons are walking down the street towards you, which one says hello? Neither, they're both stuck up cunts!"

"Michael Bay has just recently announced the title of his next gritty reboot of a kids TV show: Ed, Edd, and Edgy"

"Behind every successful woman is a Man who let her down."

"I went to my friend's new flat on the weekend for a party. He should have gotten something more 3 dimensional."

"Riding up in the elevator with a bunch of children. So much screaming & crying. You'd think one of them would ask me what the hell's wrong."

"Ever since I swallowed a watch I've been keeping myself busy taking laxitives, eating lots of fruit and drinking prune juice. Anything to pass the time."

"I can't believe it. I saw on the news where a midget got pick pocketed in broad daylight...how could anyone stoop so low?"

"Do you know how to keep an idiot in suspense? Seriously. That other guy hasn't answered yet, and I'm dying to find out!"

"I hate when someone steals my idea before I've had it."