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Joke of the Day

"We've got an aviary at home... We've got an aviary at home, but one of our birds of prey will only exercise at night to the sounds of '80s synth pop. Our kestrel manoeuvres in the dark."

"Caught my wife in bed with a guy, says he's here to fix this wobbly wood bed frame. It seems legit, his Carpenter jeans are on the Floor."

"The day you can post smells on the Internet will be the worst/best day ever"

"I taught my 1yo how to turn on my mother-in-law's dishwasher since she only uses it for storage."

"You look like the grinch with plastic surgery gone wrong!"

"Saw my ex... Please. She needs to die."

"Me: I've had this for 3 weeks & I'm still single! HomeDepot Clerk: ma'am, a stud finder is for the beams in your wall Me: that was unclear"

"Last night I poured a hot bath, lit candles and turned on the radio. Then I threw them into the bath because I'm a guy and was curious."

"What do you call a room full of comatose people? A salad."

"What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant."