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Joke of the Day

"Until you show me in the corporate dress code where it says masks & capes aren't allowed, I must refuse to reveal my identity to the others."

"The ""bishop"" came to our church today He was a fucking impostor. Never once moved diagonally."

"Ok gas pump, enough! Credit or debit? Zip code? Reward Card? Car Wash? Receipt? What octane? It takes less buttons to launch a nuke!"

"how many babies does it take to paint a wall. depends how hard you throw them"

"Feeling pretty good about myself today so I'm going to go meet up with an ex-girlfriend to bring me back down to normal"

"What do naked fish play with ? Bare-a-cudas !"

"people said my days of misquoting famous idioms were over but I'm like a phoenix rising from molasses"

"- Hello, princess. Can I call you princess? - No. - OK then, Mr. Smith, let's just get started with your prostate exam."

"Why was the tree stretching? So it could be timber!"

"What do nails like to do on the weekend? Get hammered."