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Joke of the Day

"[working at Bed Bath & Beyond] ME: Hi there, may I help you? What are you looking for? CUSTOMER: Shower head. ME: Sir, please, we just met."

"2 fish in a tank One turns to the other and says ""you know how to drive this thing?"""

"What did Trump get for Christmas? Stage IV rectal carcinoma with a recto-vesicular fistula so he farts out his penis...hopefully."

"""I"" before ""e"" except after ""Old MacDonald had a farm"""

"Do you know why beer goes through your system so fast? Because it does not have to stop to change color."

"Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a wedding cake."

"A Spanish magician is at a party He begins his trick for the birthday girl, grabbing a handful of magic sprinkle dust. He then begins to count, ""uno, dos,"" POOF. He disappeared without a tres."

"Loneliness is when a person always knows where all of his things are."

"I recently learned that the smell of fresh cut grass is the smell plants give if when under duress, and I like that smell... I guess this makes me a sado-*manicurist*"

"Harry Potter can't tell the difference between a cooking pot and his best mate. They're both cauldron."