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Joke of the Day

"Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a wedding cake."

"I phoned my boss. I said, ""I'm calling in sick tomorrow."" ""But, how do you know you're going to be ill?"" he asked. I swear, sometimes he forgets that he works in a psychic shop."

"Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn't doing his part of the chores around here"

"How do New Zealanders practice safe sex? (NSFW) They paint a red X on the back of the sheep that kick."

"I just ran out of tissues... Lately, it's been coming in handy"

"Who's that one armed rockstar drummer? Oh yeah, Phil Rudd. Too soon?"

"What do you call a foreigner who is obsessed with Chinese culture? A zhuologist"

"If you don't have any feelings watching a kid cry, most likely it's your kid."

"Me: I save a bunch of time by not having to tie my shoes. Her: What do you do with the time saved? Me: *tying my dogs shoes* Sorry, what?"

"The Smart Kid A child asks his father: - Daddy, where did I get my intelligence from? - From your mother, I think. I still have mine."