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Joke of the Day

"Christmas breakup: play Lexus commercial theme, when they run outside have all their crap packed for them on your driveway, lock the door."

"My Ex girlfriend works in a pharmacy, so whenever I want to spoil her mood I'll just go there to buy condom for no reason. Sometimes I'll go 3 times a day..."

"Just got a gift for my dog. I bought my dog a cute toy from the pet shop and she immediately broke it. I demanded my money back but the manager said they won't refund a dead hamster."

"what do you call a contortionist from the Philippines? A Manila folder."

"Nudist's have the right idea.. Screw laundry!"

"What do programmers hate more than fat women? Fat fingers"

"To do list:nn1) Kill the fly in my room. nn2) Try to snort multivitamins.nn3) Practice Hadouken in mirror.nn4) Kill the fly's loved ones."

"I heard girls like guys that are mysterious so I just put a fog machine under my bed"

"I once had an epileptic fit during my turn at a game of charades. Everyone just kept yelling, ""HOW MANY WORDS?"" and ""IS IT THE EXORCIST?""."

"What kind of drink does a ghetto drinks? A GHETTOrade"