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Joke of the Day

"Just got a gift for my dog. I bought my dog a cute toy from the pet shop and she immediately broke it. I demanded my money back but the manager said they won't refund a dead hamster."

"What did Thor start calling Ironman after he learned the suit was made out of gold titanium alloy? Ironyman ... To be fair Goldtitaniumalloyman just didn't have the same ring."

"God and Lazarus God said to Lazarus, ""Come forth, and receive eternal life!"" However, Lazarus came fifth and received a toaster."

"If Trump wins the election.... I hope he leaves us for a younger, more attractive Eastern European Country after a year or two."

"When a woman breast feeds in public it's called natural, but when I do it, the woman calls the cops."

"Why don't Canadians have many orgies? Too many thank-you notes."

"I'm trying to give up ice cream. It's been a rocky road."

"What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches."

"What do Whitney Houston and Antarctica have in common? 100% chance of snow"

"Bill Clinton must be the luckiest man in the world. All of the sex he has, with Hillary, you know it's hate sex."