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Joke of the Day

"To do list:nn1) Kill the fly in my room. nn2) Try to snort multivitamins.nn3) Practice Hadouken in mirror.nn4) Kill the fly's loved ones."

"A soldier was assaulted with pepper spray and mustard gas. He returned home a seasoned veteran."

"Did you hear the one about the guy who couldn't think of a punch line?"

"ASTRONAUT 1:So sorry ASTRONAUT 2: My condolences ASTRONAUT 3: Forgive us ~~The crew of the Apollo-G"

"How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one. We are very efficient and not very funny..."

"Well-known lodging chain announced it was creating a line of nofrills hotels. The only way you'll see a chocolate on the pillow now is if the last guest was eating an M&M."

"A drum solo but on your face."

"My dad is a mortician I hear people are dying to get into that field"

"In most conversations, my face is basically a red battery logo with 10% written next to it."

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? None. Feminists can't change anything."