38395

Joke of the Day

"I am in my truest form when the food comes at a restaurant and I side-eye plates, suspicious that everyone got more fries than I did."

"So much mascara her eyes got stuck in the closed position. Too bad lipstick doesn't work that way."

"How did the duck become a junkie? He was addicted to quack."

"Why is a violin difficult to play? Because it is fiddly!"

"You know yer addicted to twitter when you count letters in the surgeon general's warning on the vodka bottle & think ""Yeah, that would fit."""

"What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? their middle name"

"I like my men like I like my coffee... White, tepid, and saccharine sweet."

"What do you do if a gang of clowns attack you? Go for the juggler."

"How did that bullfight come out? Oh it was a toss-up!"

"How many dead prostitutes we need to change a lightbulb ? Certainly not three, because in my basement is still dark."