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Joke of the Day
"I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said ""Die, Decepticons! Die!"""
Next Joke
"Me: Wanna go out? Her: You're not Black Me: I'm Jewish. We've been persecuted more than them. Her: ... Me: That's not why you like them?"
"I promised my wife I would not joke with her when she was PMSing. She has my word, period."
"Oh, you're an early riser? Yes. Have kids? No. A farm? No. Insomnia? No. Medical condition? No. Psycho."
"Q: How does a blonde part their hair? A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart) A2: By doing the splits."
"Two guys walked in a bar and said.. The Game."
"What ringtone have you got? Murphy asked Paddy, ""What ringtone have you got?"" Paddy said, ""I've never really looked, but probably light brown"
"Why did the traffic light turn red? Because it saw the other one changing!"
"I lied to the doctor when asked my crush's blood type. Now she knows what rejection feels like."
"My new years resolution........ Hopefully 4k 55''"