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Joke of the Day

"Hey, are you BB-8? (harmless spoiler) Coz I'd like to fix your antenna ( )"

"Tall girls might get modeling contracts but I can still ask for the high school student discount."

"A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says ""We don't sever your kind"". The mushroom says ""Why not, I'm a fun guy""."

"*i get home riding a pig* Wife: Hey honey, how was the ""Hog Riders"" meeting? Me: *sighs* Pointless...this one was for motorcycles too."

"Why does Jesus perform miracles on quadriplegics? He can't fuckin stand 'em."

"Where do the gays in New Mexico live? Santa FE GUURLL!!!!"

"I think elephants are overprotected But I suppose it's easy for me to say that from my ivory tower."

"To all the ""I'm moving to Canada"" people out there, you're being ridiculous. You won't be far enough to escape the nuclear fallout. Shoot for New Zealand or Australia."

"Aren't you glad you no longer have that ""Call Me Maybe"" song in your head? Oops. Sorry. #SoCallMeMaybe!"

"*goes to get phone out of car *sees car has been stolen *finds phone in back pocket OH THANK GOD"