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Joke of the Day

"To all the ""I'm moving to Canada"" people out there, you're being ridiculous. You won't be far enough to escape the nuclear fallout. Shoot for New Zealand or Australia."

"What is a traitor's favorite food? Eggs Benedict"

"The second worst thing to say on a date... ...is that you have to fart. The worst thing to say is, ""That wasn't a fart."""

"Signs a Woman Likes You: 1. Eye contact 2. Twirls her hair 3. Laughs at your jokes 4. Follows you 5. Keys your car 6. Kills you"

"If I were Zorro, I'd hand out business cards with a Z on them. That way I wouldn't have to take my sword everywhere."

"Speak English, kiss French, drive German, dress Italian, spend Arab, party Caribbean."

"I've lost all my pokemon cards in a house fire... I've only got Ash now."

"Sex is a lot like pizza. How? Let me tell you about the worst pizza I ever had: It was fantastic."

"My friend begged me to stop playing Wonderwall I said maybe."

"My girlfriend lost the key to her chastity belt. But she's too lazy to go looking for it. She can't be fucked."