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Joke of the Day

"Getting married next week I told my fiance I'll set a date the day I see the Queen jump out of a helicopter."

"How do you offend a vegan? Cover your ears with your hands"

"I've finally figured out why I can't lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in shower that runs down my body says, ""4 extra volume & body"

"Spend hours getting screaming baby to sleep. Check on sleeping baby. Can't hear breathing...prod sleeping baby Repeat"

"What is that red stuff on your face? I said to my older cousin what was that red stuff on his face. ""Where?"" He said. I said , as I was forming a punch then punch is fucking face. ""Right there."""

"Neighbour:How's the wife? Me:Glowing Neighbour:Pregnant? Me:No, she's on fire, just going for more wood Neighbour:You're sick Me:You're next"

"So Cologne, Germany during WW2 was bombed and decimated by fire. I am sure the fire smelled pretty nice."

"Dentists that pass out lollipops at the end of your child's dental cleaning, are passing out little pieces of job security."

"Why did the Irishman wear two condoms? To be sure to be sure"

"There is a James Brown impersonator in South Korea. He's known as the Godfather of Seoul."