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Joke of the Day

"Neighbour:How's the wife? Me:Glowing Neighbour:Pregnant? Me:No, she's on fire, just going for more wood Neighbour:You're sick Me:You're next"

"Do her by the ocean. Beaches love crabs."

"What's an Alzheimer patient's favorite horror movie? The Blair...Which project? [Made my roomie laugh at least]"

"One of My Only Actual Original Jokes Why did Johnny jump off the Eiffel Tower? ... ... ... ... ... ... ... He was suicidal."

"If it talks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then you gotta ask yourself Why the fuck is there a duck in my room?"

"How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't care. You pick"

"I like to wear fur coats, but fur is murder, so I just tied 15 live badgers together and this coat is really scratchy and bitey."

"Racist: What's black and white and unemployed? Just kidding about the white part."

"chuck norris's daughter had her virginity stolen:chuck norris stole it back"

"Girls are like tornadoes because in pictures it's like wow those look cool but in person it's all omg what do I do"