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Joke of the Day

"Neighbour:How's the wife? Me:Glowing Neighbour:Pregnant? Me:No, she's on fire, just going for more wood Neighbour:You're sick Me:You're next"

"What's the difference between a peeping tom and a pickpocket? A pickpocket snatches watches."

"What's the difference between Beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are over a dollar; deer nuts are under a buck."

"What do you call a fear of Alkaline? A pH-obia"

"How are spinach and anal sex alike? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you probably won't like it as an adult"

"When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship."

"Mean people tell me ""you've got a face only a mother could love"" but the joke's on them because she didn't"

"Me: BOOP! teehee! Cop: .. Me: sorry. did you want me to touch MY nose?"

"Not only is it daylight savings time today, but also Int'l Women's Day. Because apparently a full 24 hours to celebrate women would have been just a bit much."

"Just made a deal with the devil. I got a PS2, half a box of white wine and an autographed photo of George Bush in exchange for my Kia Soul."