145816

Joke of the Day

"Dentists that pass out lollipops at the end of your child's dental cleaning, are passing out little pieces of job security."

"I had a conversation with a Mobius strip... It was one-sided."

"""David you're late again!"" ""Sorry boss.."" [cut to: me running on all fours through a forest chasing deer] ""...traffic"""

"The ONE time I actually want to say ""duck"", damn you autocorrect! ""Sorry again! I'd love to join the preschool field trip to the DUCK pond"""

"What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual Norse monarchs? The bikings."

"[Call from cell company] We can give you 15 gigs for $100 Me: Excellent! *Puts the band back together"

"That moment when the woman ur dancing behind bends over so u can grind &u realize she lost an earring & nobody in starbucks can hear ur iPod"

"Roses are grey, Violets are grey, Daisies are grey, Because I'm a dog."

"Two cats decided to commit suicide by jumping off a cliff... The first cat jumped. The other was too much of a pussy."

"My grandma got me a gift card to Walmart for my birthday. She told me not to spend it all in one place."