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Joke of the Day

"Spend hours getting screaming baby to sleep. Check on sleeping baby. Can't hear breathing...prod sleeping baby Repeat"

"A guy who doesn't believe in global warming is swimming in Egypt... He's in de-nile"

"I just bought some land with a stranger and now we have a lot in common."

"BARENKATAPULT!"

"*Jesus drinking at a bar* *jesus orders another drink* ""jesus you're too drunk I can't give you anymore"" Kan I jst haev a water? ""nice try"""

"""Al-Qaeda: 'ISIS Goes Too Far'."" Ah the Middle East, where al-Qaeda is the voice of moderation."

"TGIF - A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside ..."

"Did you hear about the man with five penises? His pants fit like a glove"

"I asked my doctor ""Just how bad is my halitosis?"" ""Pretty fucking bad,"" he replied, hanging up the phone."

"Have you heard of divorced barbie? Her set costs $450. ...mostly because it comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and one of Ken's friends."