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Joke of the Day

"Is everything expensive or I'm just poor?"

"""The plane nosedived and crashed, due to a passenger's iPod being played during landing."" - No flight, ever."

"What's the difference between a snowman and snow-women? Snow-balls."

"When life hands you a komodo dragon suddenly the times you got lemons seem pretty cool."

"The Trump Years in a Nutshell 2016: Trump doesn't stand a chance. 2017: Trump's still trying? 2018: ""Hey, are you guys going to watch the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins"""

"People ask me, ""Matt, how do you do it?"" , ""Matt, what's your secret?"" , ""Matt, why do you make up imaginary interview questions?"""

"Do you know what the difference is between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stones song? The Rolling Stones song says ""Hey you, get off of my cloud"". A Scotsman says ""Hey McCloud, get off of my Ewe""."

"4-year-old: What does God smell like? Me: 4-year-old: Me: Nachos. 4-year-old: With cheese?"

"Wanna know how I tell my sister is on her period? My Dad's dick tastes like blood."

"The irony of my developing severely crippling stomach cramps minutes after reading a cheesy old love story isn't lost on me. *faints*"