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Joke of the Day

"I came home and noticed my dishwasher was missing So I asked my kids what happened. Apparently she left me 3 days ago."

"You don't see much in a small town ... but what you hear makes up for it. [Source](http://www.dougwils.com/Chrestomathy/no-kidding.html)"

"What does 83 year old pussy taste like? Depends"

"A man sitting in a publisher's office has his memoir turned down for a third time... He sighed and said ""story of my life."""

"Me: Your shoes are on the wrong feet. Son:.... Me:..... Son:.... Me:.... Son: I don't have any other feet. Me:.... Fair enough, dude."

"I ruin friend groups by always suggesting we start a band too early"

"Did you know Stalin's penis was the funniest part of his body? It was real commiedick."

"Men are like mascara, they usually run at the first sign of emotion."

"As a muslim, I'm sick of the 9/11 jokes because my parentd died too. They just weren't in the buildings."

"I have complicated opinions on the death penalty. I think it's wrong but I also think that owners of cash-only establishments should get it."