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Joke of the Day

"You don't see much in a small town ... but what you hear makes up for it. [Source](http://www.dougwils.com/Chrestomathy/no-kidding.html)"

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"would you like to come on our quiz show? you could win 2,000,000? [imagines spending the entire show standing up] ""no thanks"""
"I am the big shot at my new job. I am the human cannonball at the circus."
"I realised I've got a road rage problem when my five-year-old daughter shouted... ...""Pick a fucking lane,you dickhead!"" While sitting in my grocery trolley."
"Why did the football go to the bank? to get is quarterback."
"She might be Satan, but if I'm going to hell, I want to be sleeping with the boss."
"If you don't swear when you're driving, you aren't paying enough attention to the road."
"I've just bought the new Beach Boys mobile phone. The ringtones are shit but it has good vibrations."
"I'm on the bus now. Either the woman sitting right next to me has two really ugly children, or two seriously cool Pokemons."
"Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar... The bartender says ""Why the long face?"""