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Joke of the Day
"What do a mole and an eagle have in common? They both live underground. Except for the eagle."
Next Joke
"I haven't showered since last year. It's still 2014, right?"
"What's my New Year resolution? Well, I just got a Hi-Def TV, so it's 1920 X 1080i."
"[hospital] *crying* Jim it's your turn to change the baby *picks up baby* -Ok brb *comes back holding a black baby* -I think they're onto us"
"Why do hummingbirds hum? They don't know the words."
"Four years ago, I asked the most beautiful girl in the world out on a date. Thirty minutes ago, I asked her to marry me. Both times she said no."
"What kind of tea is sometimes hard to swallow? Reality"
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin"
"What do Chinese monks eat? qis."
"1 in 5 American children are now on food stamps which is why we must cut food stamps to reduce their dependency on food."