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Joke of the Day

"I went to a dance. First they played 'Jump', so I jumped. Then they played 'The Twist', so I twisted. Then they played 'Come On Eileen', so I got kicked out."

"A man walks into a bar with a gun And shouts, ""Who the hell fucked my wife?!"" A man in the back replied ""You haven't got enough bullets mate!"""

"Why did the Founding Fathers hire accountants from Prague? They needed a system of Czechs and balances."

"The Pillsbury Doughboy... Another sad case of battered man syndrome."

"A fun thing to do is comment ""that ain't the girl you were with at the bar the other night"" on all my married friends Facebook family photos"

"My girlfriend is the undisputed queen of not giving a fuck But it's all good. Her sister is plenty wild for the both of them"

"A termite walks into a bar and asks, ""Where's the bartender?"""

"Did you hear about the problem at the Indian bread factory? Turns out it was a naan issue."

"""fool me once, shame on u. fool me once, shame on u. fool me once, shame on u"" - a goldfish :("

"5 Years ago today I asked a beautiful girl out on a date. Today at 3pm I asked that same girl to marry me. Both times she said no"