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Joke of the Day

"I wonder if people with eye patches thought it was all fun and games."

"Why does Michael J Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he only uses the finest ingredients."

"Based on how many times I've dropped my phone, I'm gonna hold off on the whole baby thing."

"Why doesn't anyone ever add Paul Walker on Xbox? He spends all of his time on the dashboard."

"Me: They were out of tampons, so I got you a box of bandaids instead. Her:"

"Get out of any speeding ticket by assuring the officer that you're already miserable and adequately beaten down by life."

"Why does Donald Trump want classical music at his inauguration? He wants to grab them by Debussy."

"I want to start a cafe and fill it with surrealist paintings. I'll call it Salvador Deli."

"nothing says FUCK YOU like a restaurant giving you one napkin with your takeout order"

"I have a friend whose status says ""suicidal standing on edge of cliff'.... I poked him."