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Joke of the Day

"Just asked Siri. ""Surely it's not going to rain today?"" She said ""it will, and don't call me Shirley"" ...Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode."

"Harry Potter jokes Give us your best Harry Potter joke. I'll start. What did Ron Weasley do the first time he saw Hermione naked? He whipped out his wand and yelled, ""***Shtupify***!""."

"What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last big hit was the wall."

"I put my slacks on just like everyone else, from a waterslide into the loving yet frighteningly powerful arms of my pet minotaur Ferdinand"

"I murder drifters and use their hair to make little dolls. Oh, you meant at work! My biggest weakness is that I'm a perfectionist.'"

"What has a beginning and an end, but nothing in the middle? Life."

"The teenage boy cashier just told my wife that her tampon coupon is expired...and all of Target went silent."

"I need your best pickup lines I'm going to be in a contest where one section is about giving your best pickup lines. Do you have any good ones?"

"I see right through Caitlin Jenner Because she's trans-parent"

"Why do you go to bed? Because the bed will not come to you."