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Joke of the Day

"I murder drifters and use their hair to make little dolls. Oh, you meant at work! My biggest weakness is that I'm a perfectionist.'"

"Which famous hip hop group are very open about their ongoing battle with their bowel habits? Public Enema"

"Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Doritos so my fingers don't get orange. No weirdos."

"It's impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone."

"I've matured a lot. For example, I used to listen to Fall Out Boy and break stuff, but now I listen to Mozart and break stuff"

"Don't even talk to me about how badass you are until you've seen how many ketchup packets i've stolen over the years"

"INTERVIEWER: So, do you have any questions for me? ME: What's the Wi-Fi password? I: About the job M: What is the company Wi-fi password?"

"What do some people have against cheeseburgers? They say 'Burgers can't be cheesy!'"

"Scientists have finally discovered the secret of longevity of hedgehogs... ...It turns out, there is no secret. They don't even live that long."

"Sex with a weatherman must suck. Always telling you to expect 8-12 inches, only to find out it's not even 4."