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Joke of the Day

"I have twin brothers named Juan and Amal. I only carry a picture of one of them because if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

"You hear Steve Sarkisian actually wanted to be a lawyer? He couldn't pass the bar"

"Cop: Why were you speeding? Me: SHE'S IN LABOR! Cop: That's a beach ball in a wig. Me: Cop: Me: I don't think I'm the father. Cop: Get out."

"A black couple leave a generous tip at a restaurant.... Just kidding."

"What's the difference between /r/news and radical extremists? Radical extremists fuck goats while /r/news fucks themselves."

"What happens when you throw one banana to two hungry Apes? A banana split!"

"CVS clerk: Receipt? Me: Sure *God uses 2 fingers to gently close the eyes of an entire rain forest*"

"Why does the Law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service! "

"I put my underwear on like anyone else. Backwards, two legs in one hole, falling down then decide it's easier to go without."

"Ma'am, your son is dead. Why, what happened, officer? He wasn't white and that wasn't right, we found he was black, and that was whack, so we shot him in the back."