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Joke of the Day

"Cop: Why were you speeding? Me: SHE'S IN LABOR! Cop: That's a beach ball in a wig. Me: Cop: Me: I don't think I'm the father. Cop: Get out."

"what do homosexuals and peanut butter have in common? They both dont come in boxes"

"A British soldier meets an Australian soldier on a warzone **British soldier**: Did you come here to die? **Australian soldier**: Nah mate, I came here yesterday!"

"Today a preacher told me that Jesus died for me, it made feel feel horrible.... I didn't even know the poor guy was sick!"

"""It's summer! Yay! No more school shootings!"" American children."

"What does Mrs Claus say to Santa when he's not spending enough time with her? You're getting too wrapped up in your work!"

"My favorite part of The Lion King is the part where Nicki Minaj held up baby Simba."

"What kind of cheese should Richard eat? Ricotta"

"I'm not gullible but she said I was the best she's ever had and then to wait by the phone for instructions on how to get my wallet back."

"Where do you buy a baby? Hole Foods."