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Joke of the Day

"What did the guy with 5 penises say? ""These pants fit like a glove"""

"Jesus dropped his cross for the 3rd time, and Simon of Cyrene said to him: ""Do you even lift bro?"""

"I always used to think my parents are like siblings' sounds so much better than, my parents are, like, siblings.'"

"Cop: Know why I pulled u over? Me: [slams fist on dash] NO, WHY?! Cop: Settle down sir Me: [marries, has kids, gives up ambitions] Cop: ..."

"Are we as a society going to reject clickbait journalism? The answer may surprise you!"

"DATE: [whispering in my ear] i've got a secret ME: [also whispering] is it tacos DATE: [giggles] no ME: can it be tacos"

"DATING TIP: show her your hula hoop skills. keep adding hula hoops. you're now a slinky. everybody loves a slinky."

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."

"Why is the set including the square root of 5 and the square root of 4 similar to the set including anarchism and authoritarianism? They are both unlike radicals."

"so I used to read /r/nosleep to get scared Now all I have to do is remember than Hillary is still running"