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Joke of the Day

"DATING TIP: show her your hula hoop skills. keep adding hula hoops. you're now a slinky. everybody loves a slinky."

"My dad could kick ur dads ass! Um have u seen my dad Hes a big guy huh? No really have u seen him? He left when I was 9 & never came back"

"If the liquor store didn't want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window."

"What do you call a man who worships his own scrotum? Sacrilegious."

"If i had a dollar for every time i had an existential crisis... it wouldn't matter because currency is a social construct and life is meaningless"

"You Will Send Me Nudes This is on Reddit."

"I always wanted to be self-confident. Well, look at me now. Actually, don't."

"Quick question: can I breastfeed if I've had implants?"

"I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance.. ..so I pushed her over."

"They don't have blood banks in England ... ... but they do have a liver pool."