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Joke of the Day

"Why do we have to listen to a 45 second instructional to leave someone a voice mail? Beep, talk. We get it, condescending cell companies."

"""Hell no!"" A man and woman are riding up in an elevator. The man looks at the woman and says, ""Can I smell your pussy?"" She replies, ""Hell no!"" The man says, ""Well, it must be your feet then."""

"Which two names figure prominently in every Ape's diet? Ben/Anna!"

"Divorce is when you tell someone: Hey I know you better than anyone else on Earth and I'm gonna take a pass"

"A man on the subway awoke to an early morning blowjob. He had left his mouth open while he was sleeping"

"Why do they say all minorities look the same? Because once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamaul."

"If you pee on a cop Urine trouble. (Credit to my bff)"

"Why did Simba's dad die? He couldn't Mufasa"

"I was never good at French in school. Just remembering how to say ""bread"" is le pain."

"How do Chinese name their kids? They throw silverware on the ground!"