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Joke of the Day
"Waiter what is this stuff? That's bean salad sir. I know what it's been but what is it now?"
Next Joke
"I just want to give a shoutout to the ancients for inventing the calendar. It has made my day."
"What do you call a Jewish baby who isn't circumcised? A girl."
"What's the difference between Sesame Street and Leonardo DiCaprio? Sesame Street has an Oscar."
"Matthew McConaughay is for Matthew McConaughorses"
"Listen, you can keep retaking all the pictures you want but that's just what your face really looks like."
"My piss looks and smells like gasoline this morning. My piss does impersonations of other liquids. That's talented piss."
"[Gets on one knee] Margaret- [Pulls out ring] Will you- will you please hide this, Gollum won't stop following me."
"Reese Whitherspoon may have lost her good girl image but she's still got her overinflated self worth..."
"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? No amount of feminists can change a light bulb, because feminists can't change anything."