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Joke of the Day

"What type of gun do time travelers use? A Clock-18"

"Midwife [handing my baby]: make sure you support his head Me: that's a really great, floppy little head you've got there. Well done"

"teen son: 'cause the boyz n the hood are always hard /u come talkin that trash we'll pull your card mom: take out the trash & mow the yard."

"ME: my therapist told me to stop talking about people as if they weren't here THERAPIST: [rubbing temples] i know"

"I see your sister's sick burn and raise you mine. ""If you're gonna be a dick, wear a condom over your head."" She's 9."

"Two guys walk into a bar The first guy asks for a glass of H2O. The second guy asks for a glass of H2O too. The second guy died."

"What do you call a joke with no punchline? Ba-dum-tss"

"Accidentally left my phone at home, now I know how Kevin McCallister's parents felt."

"I just flew into town and boy are my arms tired! Get it? Because, I've been jerking off on the plane..."

"why did they bury liberace face down? so his friends could stop by for a cold one..."