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Joke of the Day
"We should call people who vape... *vapires*"
Next Joke
"Just had an awful drive home. I was forced to ride side by side with another car for 5 minutes. We managed to avoid eye contact, but still."
"The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family."
"I have enough money to live comfortably the rest of my life if I die next thursday"
"Titanium is a most amorous metal... When it gets hot, it'll combine with anything."
"One day... I'll look up what procrastination means."
"I was in a cab today and the cab driver said... ""I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do."" Then I said, ""Turn left."""
"How did the Italians lose WWII? They ordered ziti instead of shells."
"I spent some time at the wife's grave this morning. She's not dead or anything, she thinks I'm digging a pond."
"I just hope the government doesn't have my Angry Birds scores. All in all they're pretty embarassing."