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Joke of the Day

"The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family."

"I love everybody. Even you, insecure person reading this hoping someone loves you ... even you."

"I always try to hold the door open for women I see walk by, so we can talk and get to know each other. But none of them will get in my car."

"So there was this surfer dude called Curl, but he died in a tsunami wave RIP Curl"

"I bumped into the guy that invented the globe. It's a small world."

"My wife thinks I'm too impulsive. How the hell would she know? We only met last week!"

"What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers? One is a Goodyear, and the other is a great year."

"What's the difference between humor and odor? Humor is a shift of wit."

"Cop: Why did you burn that building down? Me: Because they keep sending emails after unsubscribing. Cop: You're free to go."

"What do spiders eat in France? French flys"