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Joke of the Day

"Why did the Redditor cross the road? To bask in social approval."

"My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks"

"Instead of a condom i keep a moist towelette in my wallet because i run into buffalo wings alot more often than sex"

"What do you tell a women with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice."

"Did you here that Donald Trump wants to ban canned parmesan cheese? He wants to make America grate again."

"I just want to be wealthy enough to leave notes for the house-sitter like ""If the puma seems restless, let him splash in the Jacuzzi a bit."""

"Spielberg missed a great opportunity when he didn't put FIN at the end of Jaws."

"I've found that the things I'm most interested in aren't really in my best interest."

"After I orgasm, I yell ""Aaaaand scene."" Then I push him off me, throw him his clothes while holding the door open& say ""Ummm. We'll call u."""

"[first time having sex] Me: are u sure u aren't too drunk? Couch cushion: ...."