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Joke of the Day

"I'm having one of those days where nothing seems to be going write."

"Are you guys gonna enjoy your weekend I'm not I'll probably obsess over the problems I create in my mind then maybe eat something I regret"

"Mummies are basically just zombie burritos."

"A mathematician was constipated, how did he solve his problem? He worked it out with a pencil and paper."

"You were a great man, Christopher Columbus ... ... to think you had the foresight of giving me work off 5 centuries later."

"If the Dukes of Hazard were black... the show would be named COPS."

"If Willy Wonka manufactured anything other than candy that movie would just be a dark tale of a negligent factory owner murdering children."

"You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse."

"A well timed ""Have a good day!"" can be a great substitute for ""F*ck you!"" in almost every situation."

"What's the difference between eating pussy and driving in the fog?... At least when your eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you!"