80681

Joke of the Day

"Mummies are basically just zombie burritos."

"""Why'd you name me Carson, dad?"" You were born in a car. Now go fetch your sister, Hospitaldaughter. It's time for tablemeal."

"The problem with protests... Is that once things start to get lit, the cops show up and ruin it."

"Why is lumberjack the only job with some random guy's name attached? Why aren't plumbers called, like, toiletdougs? Or crapperjoels?"

"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is in the news. He claims he found a way to bring in $50 million for Toronto. America will pay him to take Justin Bieber back."

"Why are all updates to Apple stuff piratical? Because they all involve iPatches."

"I always like seeing those ""Baby on Board"" stickers because it's nice to see agreeable babies out there."

"how many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three, the right ear, the left ear and the final frontier"

"A teacher finds his students have drawn penises on the whiteboard, so he rubs them all off. He is now a registered sex offender."

"How do you get to the front page of Reddit? Take a racist joke and throw Donald Trumps name in the title."