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Joke of the Day

"What does Cam Newton have in common with a Fig Newton? They are both soft and crumble under pressure."

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"What did the bookshelf say when it looked in the mirror? ""I can see my shelf"""
"""Let's sleep in when we can't sleep in, and not sleep in when we can sleep in"" - children"
"My brother said his wife is ""like a plunger"" when she gets drunk. She likes to bring up old shit. Hahahaha"
"[Biblical Times] God: oh shit Angel: what? God: I just realized I've been leaning on the frog button."
"In the Philosophers prison... I shank, therefore you are not"
"Best jokes come from real life. This happened this morning. The toilet is clogged. My wife and I both insist we've only gone #1. One of us is full of crap and the other one is full of crap."
"I put the 'c**k' in 'puts c**k in anything'."
"Whats Darth Vaders favorite alchohol? Darth Jaeger"
"Do you know how to catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!"