35339

Joke of the Day

"[at funeral] My brother was so realistic and sensible. I guess you could say- *casket is lowered into the ground* -he was down to earth."

"If you bump into someone at the grocery store and say goodbye, there's a 99 percent chance you'll see them in every single aisle after that."

"My doctor prescribed me viagra and ex-lax today. Now I don't know if I'm coming or going."

"I quit my job at the helium factory today I won't stand to be spoke to in that tone of voice"

"What do you call a midget with epilepsy that makes pizza? Little Seizures..."

"This whole VW car thing makes me think... ...Have you been mis-sold TDI?"

"What do you call 16 white American people? A full blooded Cherokee"

"[finds sock with hole in it] *gets angry* [puts sock back in same drawer] *repeats forever*"

"Say what you will about pedophiles At least they drive slowly past schools"

"What's up dawg? Me: Up dawg Person: What is that? Me: What is what? Person: Whats up dawg? Me: nothing much hbu Person: ..."