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Joke of the Day

"[finds sock with hole in it] *gets angry* [puts sock back in same drawer] *repeats forever*"

"What the difference between the U.S. Government and a bucket of crap? The bucket"

"Looking for someone willing to kill a man who has wronged me. Unfortunately I can't pay but would be good exposure for an emerging murderer"

"Lucky Friend My friend called my up the other day, happy that he finally got to cum on his wife's face. That's the benefit of an open-casket funeral."

"Stop smiling so big in every photo of you. You can't be that happy all the time. Smile like a normal person who isn't a raging psychopath"

"A great tribute from the Brazil team to Neymar. He couldn't play so the rest of the players decided not to either."

"If by chipper you mean woodchipper, then yes, I have a chipper personality."

"What's the difference between Michael phelps and hitler... Michael phelps can finish a race"

"So a deer walks out of the woods and says... That's the last time I will ever do that for two bucks"

"Q: What's an accordion good for? A: Learning how to fold a map."