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Joke of the Day

"Sitting across from a table of cops at a restaurant and convinced im going to get arrested for how gross I look eating this chicken wrap"

"Aliens scoop me up & put me in a big glass jar w holes poked in the lid. They scatter Pringles inside to simulate my natural environment."

"Mustard is the most vulgar of the condiments. Pardon my French's."

"Sometimes, by holding on too tight, you end up losing what you were trying so hard to save. Soap, for example."

"This cop is driving so fast it's like he's trying to keep up with me"

"[OC] My therapist asked me what was my earliest erotic remembrance and I told him it was wearing my mother's lingerie when I was a child. he said it was probably a Freudian slip."

"Only 1 in 6 Americans can find Ukraine on a map... Putin is fixing the issue by just calling it all ""Russia""."

"What the Washington Fat Cats don't understand is that when they stopped making Doritos 3D we lost an entire dimension of flavor"

"What was the working title for 10 Cloverfield Lane? ""You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole."""

"Worm CEO cuts workforce in half, doubles productivity"