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Joke of the Day

"Sitting across from a table of cops at a restaurant and convinced im going to get arrested for how gross I look eating this chicken wrap"

"For animals with an ""amazing sense of smell"" dogs sure do sniff piles of turds for a long time before realizing ""Whoops, these are turds"""

"I know how to pronounce worcestershire until I see it written."

"What do you call a southern girl who runs faster than her brothers A virgin"

"Quick tax question: Does giving thousands of dollars to charity last year make up for lying about it this year?"

"You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls."

"What do you call it when a hooker farts? A prosti-toot"

"This strange woman won't stop talking to me so I'm going to stare at her eyebrows until she gets paranoid and leaves me alone."

"""Awwww, that is so sweet! I think you're outstanding too!"" me, to the collection agency"

"Why did the drill instructor squirt condiments on his trainees in the morning? That's how he mustard the troops."