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Joke of the Day

"I could be way funnier with like, 143 characters to work with."

"Me as a news anchor: an explosion at a nearby t-shirt warehouse resulted in thousands of *turns head to other camera* casual tee casualties"

"What happened when a deadly rattle snake bit a witch ? He died in agony !"

"If you only see one movie this summer, maybe see more movies, they're great!"

"What do you call someone who masturbates a lot? A nutcracker."

"Why was the Mexican called a paragraph? Because he was to short to be called an essay"

"My little brother urinated all over my new laptop. I think he needs to learn to use Ctrl P."

"How did Canada get its name? They had a bag of letters, and one person announced as he picked each letter out "" 'C', eh, 'N', eh, 'D', eh""."

"I came here to kick ass and chew gum... And I've got new, longer-lasting Stride, so we'll be here for a while."

"What does a math mermaid wear? An algeabra...."