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Joke of the Day

"Me as a news anchor: an explosion at a nearby t-shirt warehouse resulted in thousands of *turns head to other camera* casual tee casualties"

"How can you tell when a wine connoisseur is happy? They have a semillon!"

"Life is like a box of chocolates It doesn't last long if you're fat."

"What sucks about being black and jewish? You gotta stand at the back of the oven! Edit: I was at an [7] when typing this and fucked it up. It is better now. oven was bus. Changed bus to oven."

"What do a Pediatrician and Podiatrist have in common? Their patients are 2'"

"Your girlfriend is imaginary... Nope, she's real. She just hasn't arrived yet."

"I walk into the main office of a new school: Secretary: You a sub? *cheeks blush* Me: Who have you been talking to?"

"Wyclef Jean has been hospitalized for fatigue and I know how he feels. I've been tired of his ass for years."

"What do lightning bolts do when they laugh? -They crack up"

"Women Studies? im pretty good at studying women *leans against bookshelf knocking it over. Creates a domino effect that destroys t/ library*"