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Joke of the Day

"How do you make a woman scream? You fuck her in the ass. How do you make her scream again? You wipe your dick off with the drapes."

"If you miss your ex Steady aim, control breathing, and fire again"

"The main reason I tell my daughter that beauty is on the inside is because I'm in charge of her ponytail in the mornings."

"People who aren't funny get offended by jokes."

"[Blackstreet Bakery] Me: [watching the baker kneading dough] ""I love the way you work it"" Baker: ""No diggity?"" Me: ""Baguette up."""

"When I die I'd like to be cremated I think I've urned it."

"""You're better than that"" is almost never true"

"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."

"For sale: The Complete Enlopdiea Brittania Reason: No longer needed. Wife knows everything"

"If Jesus was on a penny they would call it a JC Penny I get sad every time I look in a mirror"